Giving myself permission

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So many stitches (and quilts and books etc...)

I'm suddenly realizing the enormity of certain projects, and oddly I'm telling myself, as in Present Me to even more Present Me, to just stop, breathe, and DON'T RUSH. It's a weird thing, like Present Me is suddenly Past Me, but not snarky, impatient Past Me (sorry Past Me, but you need a serious dose of get over yourself), but a frazzled yet willing to listen Past Me that seems to possess a decent amount of self-awareness. Or just that surprisingly, I'm wising up to what I can and can no longer accomplish.

And what I might complete in the future, hehehe.

For starters, a few days ago Present Me (or Recently Present Me) realized that while I would LOVE to sew two lap quilts by the 26th of this month, I just cannot manage it. Instead said quilts will be Christmas gifts for the grandgirls. They chose the fabrics months ago, but this abuela doesn't have the wherewithal to do that much sewing while trying to write and prep for a guest, ahem.

The peace I inhaled after making that decision was MONUMENTAL. The girls won't even care, in that it's still not cold in the Bay Area and they have PLENTY of quilts (and other cozies) if it does get chilly. And it's far more important that I sew these quilts with peace in MY HEART, which will transfer within each stitch placed. 

And speaking of stitches.... The photo above was snapped last night, a Cornflower block in my hands. I have several EPP projects ongoing, am actively curating (and cutting) fabrics for another, AND.... I'm pondering one more Jodi Godfrey pattern that would be marvelous, but maybe not for this year. Or perhaps I'll bite the bullet or pull the trigger and go great guns.... Why are all these phrases weapons-related? Hmmm. Anyway.... I'm allowing myself to ponder (merely ponder as the kit isn't released for two weeks) diving into a Pirouette Quilt. Check out Jodi's IG account for pics, but suffice to say, life is short and English paper piecing is long-term, but then so are novel series and why not start plotting out a(nother) gorgeous hand-sewn project? I sew by hand nearly every evening, and last night I also did some hand-quilting. Maybe it's daft to even consider ONE MORE HAND-STITCHED QUILT. But I am, so there!

But, um, speaking of writing.... Just this morning, part-way through today's chapter, I realized that Book 4 is not going to be some typical 80-100K-word manuscript. I Googled Lonesome Dove by Larry McMurtry and The Thorn Birds by Colleen McCullough (two marvelous books and a couple of my all time faves) and gleefully found they were high up in the word count; approximately over 300K for LD and upwards of 200K for TTB. Oh my goodness, I was... Relieved! Inspired! Relieved! Did I mention I was relieved? LOL! Why am I so relieved? Well, currently the WIP is at 72K and nowhere near the end, uh, yeah. Yeah. But that's okay because a lot is going on in Book 4, and if the above two novels can push those word count boundaries, so can I!

Wow, that's a lot of personal permission slips granted. But you know what, why the heck not? Why not indulge in creative joy, why not take my time on quilts either in the machine-piecing or hand-stitching? Why not write a long-arsed love story that introduces another clan to my probably even longer-arsed series? Well's a deep subject, but I came up with an awesome addition to that including why, and why not? So much of our world is tied up in boundaries, by the opinions of others, by our own self-doubts and detours. But my goodness gracious, who is to say that choosing beautiful expressions in a myriad manner is wrong? I'm fifty-frigging-seven years old and if I want to have a few (or, ahem, several) totes with fabrics and paper pieces, so be it! My husband collects vinyl records, and CDs too. Will he ever listen to all of them to the point where they become unlistenable? No, but he still loves collecting. I probably have more fabric and plots than sense, but sense is relative to how it relates to happiness. And today, the tenth of November, 2023, I'm giving myself permission to be happy, to stitch pretty projects, to write with abandon, and embrace the processes. Embracing my present self and all that I am, slow sewing and prodigious noveling all wrapped up and tied with a rainbow, la!

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