The unchosen life

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The view from my living room window this morning.

Not sure what this will be about, but something good, I'm certain.

Today's title came from our pastor, who spoke about the unpredictability of life in a recent communion service. He was relating it to Joseph, who initially was going to divorce Mary once he realized she was already pregnant until an angel told him the true story behind this young woman's condition. Who can imagine what Joseph might have thought, other than believing, as he remained her husband and became, as the pastor put it, Jesus's stepfather, a term I'd never considered previously.

As the pastor spoke, I closed my eyes, tears welling, but not quite streaming down my face. It wasn't from sadness, more from the massive joy I possess within my faith, and how life's unpredictability isn't always the end of the frickin' world. Sometimes it feels pretty dang bad, but even that unpleasant sting fades, leaving me with additional patience, wisdom, and the sense that if I trusted more, accepted grace with embraces more readily proffered, stress and worry wouldn't mar my disposition.

But that's a LOT OF IF's, a lot of giving it over to God, a heaping TON of trust, and I'm a measly corporeal being, two times twenty-eight years old yes, but often wet behind the ears, or that's how I felt yesterday, not in a painful manner, only in, "Jeez Louise, how cool is that and why hadn't I considered that before?" Not only Joseph as stepfather to Christ but how in simple faith the life I lead isn't one I would have chosen for myself.

I make a lot of my own decisions, lol. But not all of them. And those still to be made.... Future Me raises an eyebrow but doesn't smirk. Nor do I prod about what's coming, on any plane. Sorting out today is enough, like making sense of a really loaded blog post title, not wanting to overstep what I'm trying to convey. Far less than a novel, but more than the three words which clamor to be pondered more deeply than this entry. However, it is my way to thrust myself into far stormier waters than is probably right for a person, lengthy fictional series and large EPP quilts you know. Because sometimes The Big Questions need a minute or eight to breathe into our souls not why we're here or anything that monumental, but merely a sliver of time to say, "Hey, I'm where I'm at for this, that, or another reason, and it's not terrible, it's not miserable. It's not in any shape or form what I thought my life was gonna be, but that's actually...okay."

Politics and world crises aside, I have my health, my family's overall health, and a comfortable economic situation for which to be VERY GRATEFUL. I have hobbies/pastimes I ADORE, and a nice place to gush about them. Lots of variables swirl, when do they not? Yet amid that mild chaos, I am centered by grace, love, faith. Sometimes not nearly as much of those as I think I require, but if I needed more, God would grant me what was truly necessary. He gave Joseph enough of a heads-up that Mary didn't get kicked to the curb, and look what happened there. I don't mean to be crass or disrespectful, but sometimes plain language best conveys the essence of a situation. Mary needed protection and Joseph acquiesced. It certainly wasn't the life Joseph thought was coming his way.

I might return to this subject if the mood stirs. If nothing else, I have much to ponder, be thankful for, and marvel at; this unchosen life, at times hedged in darkness, is full of good folks, sparkles, and plentiful shinies. It's full to the rim with goodness and love. It's the only one I have, and best to claim it with a smile than with a frown. Not that I understand it, but then neither did a carpenter's stepdad. And that's enough for me.

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