I write the life I want to live
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| Nevada in the distance. |
Sometimes, as I'm reading one of my novels, I realize how dear are the characters and how grateful I am to slip into that fictional realm. I don't live near my kids or siblings, but in many of my stories, they are at my beck and call.
For eleven years I dwelled in Yorkshire, England, and while we loved it there and would have liked to have stayed longer, it was never where we were meant to remain. Yet that decade plus one year taught my heart that despite distance, beloveds are never truly far away. And now, pushing twenty years since our return, the children we raised there have their own families, and that is how my existence has evolved.
Except, lol, within my books.
In several of my novels, sprawling families live yards away from one another, multiple generations residing in the same house. I grew up as the one of the youngest in my large clan, surrounded by many elders who inspired my sense of how necessary are all ages within one's related group. I don't lament too often how I wish for that kind of camaraderie; life is what it is and I am happy in Humboldt County. Right now I'm in Nevada with my hubby, visiting our son who has lived in this state for nearly nine years. We try to get over here once a year and it's nice to shake up the routine. I get a lot of stitching done, haha, having brought several blocks for Alexandria with me. There's also time for reading, hence I enjoyed Chapter 44 of Gracious Mysteries this morning, bringing to mind the idea for today's post. Not that I want to have endured the hurdles Brynn, Mirella, and the rest are enduring, yet their closeness makes me yearn to connect with my own kids and grandchildren. All things in good time, I remind myself.
In the meantime, here's an excerpt from what I read this earlier today. Writing this series wasn't an easy task, yet completion and publication occurred, reminding me everything has its time and place. Right now my space is several hours from home, but near my middle child, and that is exactly where I'm supposed to be, as are all my beloveds in their respective domiciles.
Chapter 44
Two days passed, those in Hatchley planning a homecoming supper, although Brynn often lingered at Naquel’s house where all assumed Nasri and Kig would first stop. Pollette had received Mo’s letter, sharing it with everyone at the Yola Homestead. Finn asked if she could read it privately. Mo had kept the note free from overt personal salutations, which had at first irritated Polly. Now she anticipated seeing him again, having gained a newfound respect for his foresight, which Mirella mentioned when Polly again assisted with Mirella’s bath. While Mirella didn’t speak of her mother or daughter, Pollette wondered if the elder Vodali was altering her stance on having dismissed her late relatives. Or maybe considering Suja wasn't as heartbreaking as contemplating the rest of her family.
On the third morning of Nasri and Kig’s travels, Mirella received a cable from Yunka Territory; Da Lorma wrote that her mother had died, not of the plague, merely from old age. Mirella sent Finn to retrieve Brynn and Ronan, both waiting at Naquel’s. Mirella then wept briefly, Polly and Ava at either side of her chair. “Can I do anything Da Miri?” Ava asked.
“Keep Lorma and her family in your prayers maja. As one enters this life, another leaves. It is nothing new, nor will it change. Yet I am grateful it wasn’t the sickness to take Rania. Gives me hope I’ll outlive it.”
Polly patted Mirella’s hand. “I’m glad to hear you speak that way.”
“I am too,” Mirella laughed. “Wasn’t so sure how long I might last.”
“There’s much on the horizon Da Miri, not to mention your influence on my baby.” Ava stood, then walked toward the hallway. “I think I hear her now.”
“I don’t hear anything,” Polly said.
Mirella chuckled. “Ah so Pollette. Have you forgotten how a mother hears with her breasts?”
“Exactly Da Miri,” Ava laughed as she reached her closed door.
Within seconds, Pree’s whimpers were audible as Ava collected the baby from her cot. Polly stood, shaking her head. “Roque didn’t nurse for long,” she said, sitting on the sofa. “He was so irritable I put him on a bottle. My mother gave me grief, but she wasn’t the one trying to feed such a….”
Ava joined Pollette on the sofa, Pree already at Ava’s chest. “You don’t know just how good she is,” Polly said softly. “Was Finny this placid?” she then asked Mirella.
“She was, although Brynn might disagree. How old was Finny when we reached Yunka Territory Polly, I honestly don’t recall.”
“A little older than Pree maybe. Or maybe not.” Polly sighed, then cleared her throat. “I wonder what Nasri and Kig will have to say.”
“About our traveling, probably the sooner we leave the better. But I am happy to wait until Ava and Pree are ready.”
Ava glanced at Polly. “Seti and I have been talking about that. Maybe we can go once the roads are clear. I didn’t think Pree would be so easy to care for and I’m feeling quite strong.”
Polly grimaced. “But she’s still so little. Are you sure?”
“She’s not going to get any easier on the road than she is right now.” Ava smiled, then studied her baby. “Da Miri, what are your thoughts?”
Mirella didn’t respond and Polly wondered if she had drifted off. Then Mirella snorted. “Let us hear from Nasri and Kig, as well as celebrating your nuptials Ava. But I agree that Praa Pree will only become less compatible with traveling with each passing week. The distance is short compared to our sojourn here, the hardship non-existent. Yet we must ascertain from Timral and Molarn when our arrival would best suit them.”
“I’ll reply to Mo right now.” Pollette went to her feet. “If there’s space for all of us to quarantine, then I guess we’ll see how everybody feels.”
Pollette walked to the hallway, but Ava didn’t move from her spot on the sofa. “Da Miri, what happens when a Vodali dies?”
Mirella sighed softly, then sat up in her chair. “Come closer Da Ava, if Praa Pree allows.”
Ava scooted toward Mirella’s chair. “I don’t mean to intrude, I was just curious.”
“As is your right. We bury our dead before the end of day, unless they pass after sunset. Then they are interred the following morning. We pray over them, aware they still exist, but not within our line of sight. Their lives, good and bad, entwine with all who have gone before them, permitting the lesser aspects to fade away. Sometimes that leaves their spirits rather thin,” Mirella smiled. “But it also leaves them open to assume the good of the rest. And that good falls upon us, although some don’t see it that way.”
Ava nodded, then gazed at Mirella. “You mean those like Orland Quinn.”
“I do, but I also mean that among my people, both here and beyond, the greater good overtakes that which appears without purpose. The Walan believed they could destroy us by enacting genocide. But you have named your baby for a Vodali. You are Yunka, Pree is Yunka. Both of you are also of me, just as Brynn and Finny are.”
Tears trickled down Ava’s face. She tried to speak, but sniffled instead.
“Recently I told Polly I had released my family, and by that I meant all who the Walan executed. I had to do that Ava or I would not have survived Affinia’s return, then how she was murdered by the Beralk. They were stronger than the Walan, but still could not exterminate us. Lorma’s family, even Nanli and Asq’a Quinn, will disprove those dark intentions as well as those of us here. But it is not easy to move forward, sometimes we have to leave parts of ourselves behind in order to heal. Thaydon is that way too, and perhaps I need to open my heart to Q’Tan, to Preeaba and Abet, to my grandsons and to….” Mirella wiped tears that fell down her face. “My beloved Affinia, ah so, she was the delight of my heart. While Preeaba also suffered under the Walan, she was an adult. Yet Affinia was not much past Finny’s age. Seeing her return with hair exactly like mine, yamar. Yamar ah’see Ava, yamar ah’see!”
“Oh Da Miri….” Ava wept, cradling Pree.
Mirella blew her nose into her skirt, then smiled. “The pain is intense maja, but I am not alone in feeling it, or in healing from it. Perhaps that is why I must remember them now. Thaydon’s heart is similar, wishing to avoid what he knows will cause deep injury. But the blessing awaits. And Ava, you must remember this too.”
Reaching out, Mirella squeezed Ava’s knee. “I told you this baby was good, and she is, ah so. Yet I also spoke you would bear more than her. And you will, but do not be afraid. Seti will be at your side. He is a good man, many losses he has suffered. You and Pree are the gifts which balance out the hardship. But such is the way of this life.”
Ava nodded, then set her baby over her shoulder. As Pree burped, Ava grasped Mirella’s hand. The elder woman’s bony grip sent shivers through Ava, but she shook them off, stirring another belch from her daughter. Mirella chuckled, then leaned back in her chair. “Cover me please maja, it’s time for a nap.”
Ava nodded, placing Pree against the back of the sofa, then arranging the old quilt over Mirella’s lap. Collecting her baby, Ava then walked to the dining room window, seeing Brynn, Finny, and Ronan approach, Seti behind them. Ava put a finger to her lips, the group nodding as they walked toward the house. Finny blinked away tears, but Seti wore a smile. Closing her eyes, Ava mulled over Mirella’s words as the women entered the house, then a man stood at Ava’s side. Seti kissed Ava’s cheek as she opened her eyes, finding Brynn and Ronan kneeling at Mirella’s chair. But Brynn didn’t disturb her grandmother, chanting quietly in Vodali what to Ava sounded like a prayer sent to Da Lorma and her family. The familiar hum of tea being made resounded from behind Ava and she leaned against Seti as he wrapped his arms around her.
