What faith means to me
Belief in Jesus Christ as God's only begotten son makes Jesus my savior. Rarely do Bibles use begotten anymore, but it's the word I grew up with, and from the age of five, when I was graced with the sense my life wasn't merely about whatever five-year-olds deem important, I have lived not only for myself, although sometimes it might seem that way.
I grew up in a not super-churchy household, though we attended an Evangelical Free Church, and I vaguely recall Sunday School. More of what I remember about my youth was my parents' troubled marriage, alcoholism affecting them both. It spilled over onto my siblings and me, and at times Christ was all I had that was solid. I knew a few things about religion, that Jesus is God's son, my belief in that saves me, and that God wouldn't give me more than I could handle. After my dad moved out and my biological mother became more unstable, to the point of severely abusing me, that last point was all I had to grasp.
Yet, when I was fifteen, it wasn't enough. I attempted suicide, ending up in the local hospital, having my stomach pumped. My mother never sought absolution for her vicious behavior, and I didn't forgive her for a long time.
My teen years were fraught with more upheaval; I lived with my dad and his girlfriend, while my siblings remained with our mother. My father's partner was younger than him, and his drinking was more than she could cope with; her suicide when I was in high school seemed like another shaky brick in an aged wall that barely remained standing. Yet I maintained my faith, somehow that light within me wasn't extinguished.
By the time I graduated high school, my siblings were living with Dad and me. Dad said grace most nights before dinner; that was the extent of my outward religious existence, yet I still clung to the notion of a gracious God, and how I managed that is again God's gift of love. A few years later I met my husband, another marvel, but we weren't married in a church, although he had faith. Within a year our eldest daughter was born, and she was baptized at the church he attended, our son baptized there as well. Our youngest was baptized at the church where her elder siblings attended preschool. But going to a church, for me, was suspect. I trusted God, but not the religion built up by humans around Him.
Our move to England altered me significantly; I lost over a hundred pounds. I began attending church, going so far as teaching Sunday School. I asked our pastor where my father's girlfriend resided, heaven or hell. His belief was that the depth of her pain was being healed by Christ, and I was thankful for his admonition, especially when months later my brother took his life. I was thirty-one years old then, wondering despite my faith, how much more shit was slated to occur.
Not long after my brother's suicide, I was graced with an exceptional moment with Christ. One of those events when you KNOW WITHOUT A DOUBT there is a God, and He loves you and wants to be a bigger part of your life. I didn't shirk from that encounter, embracing His increased presence. That presence had steadily grown over the last twenty-plus years, and has ramped up since Lent of 2025, by which I am able to withstand the assault on American democracy. And while I wish my country wasn't being led by a wannabe dictator, that Christ has again claimed me, as though a complete renewal of my soul to Him was necessay, well, there you go. Not that my singular walk with God is worth the trauma and wickedness in Washington D.C. but....
Faith in God is highly personal, yet meant to be shared through loving one's neighbor. I don't set out to save anyone, that's God's job. But I am called to be Christ's hands and feet, which I attempt to do through prayer, writing, sewing, and myriad other manners. Faith in God, specifically Jesus Christ, means life everlasting, life fulfilled, life that overcomes so much misery, and believe me, I've survived some horrible shite. I sit at this computer today free in Christ, loved by Christ, saved through Christ. And my hope is that you will find salvation, peace, and much healing joy in Jesus too.
Just as Moses lifted up the snake in the wilderness, so the Son of Man must be lifted up, that everyone who believes may have eternal life in him. For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. - John 3:14-17
